Fading toiling under an ancient sun & within the old obscure war

I am deeply unhappy in life. I am demoralized. Stressful cravings occupy me. I'm far from the light. I am tired of bathing in sin, this new west, and I hate myself for relapsing all the time. I grieve for this fucking world, what it seems to be becoming, and its hunger to defile. I don't feel worthy of anything, and though it's a slow, soft insidious torture to remain in the dark pits of the lost souls, I have lost perspective.
I was already in the Dark night of the soul, and it appears to me that I am now having a case of soul loss. I want to reconnect, and I feel vacuumed inside. Is this the feeling of damnation? I shy back inside myself.
Souls like us, it's like they'd entered a light, at some point, and have since lived on in some senseless continuation, emptied of something, with a complex craving that often even goes unacknowledged till death. It was as if the show must go on.
Even those souls that had this contact, they will find it almost impossible to describe it. Instead for the rest of the entirety of their lives they will strive for something that they barely understand. And like an idealisation, they will stand in the various corners of so many isms where they will think of matters related to worth, or honor or purity or faith, or piousness and all these things, looking at the world with a critical eye, judging and pondering, dedicating themselves, and ever so often feel like throwing it all to the ground, then they look inwards, and they just feel the cold, the blank chill of absence, and they feel like being silent. They are far from the Light.
That one Light, or whether it is one or many, or improper to singularize it, who knows. It's in darkness to be found, the same strain which I've been writing about, but rather, in death. This is basically it, and what I've been doing, it's because this is the process. Detach, absent, reconnect. Because your flesh is in the way. It's the way of removing yourself from materiality and thus by the process of channeling your own soul. Of reconnecting to an essence, to that which there is if you remove all other things. Isn't this the Sonnerad? What do you think? There is a structure. And there is materiality, you see it around you. I don't want to be thinking of the scaffolding that holds it all together, because I want to float beyond that. It's just the most important thing to remember, and that's even the core of the thought and the main hidden tenet. The supreme process is to detach and reconnect. This is the kind of stuff that's done in darkrooms, shut chrysalic retreats holding within warm darkness. I am saddened by its lack in the rest of them all... But can't you feel it all? That's why I said Shaman. Find your warm darkness. Bathe in it, follow the trail it shows you. To detach, and reconnect. Not this fucking consciousness.
I wanna feel how I feel when I'm asleep.

So, why didn't you dig a bunker yet? Why no shutroom? Why no dedicated space, darkroom, why no thermostat on full temp, why no steam showers in complete darkness? Come on! What kind of drone are you? What's the difference between you and an animal? Or you and a human looking bot? Prove it!

So to people like us, we need this. It is sustenance, it's like food and water, but like sunlight. We need it. We can lack it, and when we do we experience a strange hurt on some spiritual level. A glooming emptiness, or worthlessness, mixed in with some sort of depression... and other things, who knows. I know I am lacking this right now, and the symptoms are there. I have yet to build anything. It feels so bad. I want to become something. I'm stuck. I need just a nudge of help, but a really efficient one! IYHL remains silent.

The intruder, whatever phantom it might have been, I beat it. It doesn't show up anymore, or just for now. I barely did solar but also some banishing which felt more ceremonial to me. Gone now. It doesn't really matter beyond good riddance. Now I am less emotional and less depressed maybe as a result. But it's the emptiness, maybe worse even... I really need to stop forgetting all these things, like reconnection, the hallowed channel, the things I already found. It's even in things like concepts or video channels, when of a certain topic it's like I have them somewhere but I keep them in a world where I passively ignore them. Sometimes I re-discover them and feel some kind of way about them then get back up to this front level of consciousness, in an alternate sense to the standard understanding of the word, like in an intellectual sense or something. It comes back, naturally, because for me it came about roughly speaking because I was fed up with this world, which is when I sought to escape it...? I don't know.
But I know, real Art pertains to the soul.
The soul, that's the connector to dream-channel about those worlds through the veil. Welcome to the war. I want to be able to fight. Literal Hidden battlefield Earth. Embrace the dreamy kino madness.