17/07

Growing up I was called smart, shy, charming, and a failure. Quietly despondent and disgusted by the peers around me. Lonely, and, alone.

As a Soul, again, imprinted with the core essence of me. I grew up on those same roots.

A different yearning. As if made from another kind of sense. Disgusted, disgusted, again again, by the base and the stupid and the idiotically childish and the grime of the soulless. In practice I exercised silence and isolation, genuinely to protect myself, my inner self. I didn't hate, then.

Opposites are the same, and so this sorrowful and almost empathetic repulsion was really a deep cherishing of something.

The divine...

After all those dreams channeled and this inner gravedigging. I was hurt and let down by the moral and spiritual state of the modern world, which by now really enjoys ruining the pure, corrupting beauty and soul and innocence and authenticity. Drones walk around with no roots and nothing inside them. The times are dire, and, horrified that it was not just contained to the cattle I suffered growing up, I retreat into myself.

It was The Divine.
The Holy. The All Above, and further than Above. The Sacrosanct. The deepest of channels and the highest light. And there are things in this world, and I have no word strong enough to qualify those wretches, that have it in mind to kill this light. These sacks of shit, and their morbid tikkun olam.

But for an opposite there is another, and there are other such Holy Beings. As it stands and as I stand, as soul and as one person, This is my highest calling. I grow closer to the most graceful light. The undescribable exstacy of exhaltation. And with IPA in me I want to worship.

I don't know if I'm smart. I probably am. It seems to me that so many smart people which are more sensible to these affairs are also depressed. Being smart is really as painful as it is useful. There have been humans, and still are I presume, which were ─ in terms of intelligence ─ so far above common human that the comparison was a human to an ape. Would you imagine this for a moment. A world wholly made up of chimps. They talk like chimps, think like chimps, act like chimps.

It would be terribly painful. Such is my opinion. They'd probably lobotomize you into a chimp too eventually. And as all around me are grey shells, smoking, unthinking, uncaring, unflinching, dumb, and so soulless... It hurts. Chimps upset me.

Here I am now, in deep resonance. Attracted to the Utmost. Going back through my music folders. Having once again forgotten how to go deep, and suffering deeply as a result. It's all I have left. All I truly really absolutely care for.

And the hidden war is still going on. So much sin and filth around me. Dark is this god-damned night. I'll drink more, and channel. When I inhibit my brain I can feel my soul. I need to go back to my dream worlds. I'm being distracted with shit in this fake world here, when its meaning is just to let me dream. I want a place where I can dream without having to worry with all this shit. I want to walk away.
My country is going down the drain, and so what.

Countries are nothing in front of the pinnacle. Perhaps I ought to give up on it and ride the tiger. Fuck their whole system. Fuck their churches. And their whole shit. Humans can't craft communion. Most of them are all too worthless to even think about it. I grow cold and distant.

Oh God. I have not forgotten the sense of You.

Eternal gradient of All

Wordclock - Beatific.