Underground cities beneath the frost
Am being of light... trapped down on this murky earth, bleeding. You can now begin listening to focus 10.
I barely agree with his outlook on this grimy world of ours... 1 feel that as long as the plunge is within Nature, the properness of the exercism... valid, warranted, full instinct feels-right, justified, bound from logic, self-explanatory, of everything because nothing. But it makes it.
Words for the ones that live under snow. A freshing, like Ether, like a source of burn-away pure distilled flow, the shiverer, river of spirit basically boundless, not hellish fire but burning freeze, and but in a good way. Purificating abandon.
I mourn my soul... the young me. Maybe it was a mistake not to end my life all those years ago, because instead of flesh dying, it is the soul that died. I grieve for myself. This teenager me, he would be disgusted by what i've become. I betrayed myself!
I just want to go, to be back among my own. My Wild. Now they stare disapprovingly, vorwurfsvoll. I want my youth back. I felt most like me, or rather most in my own flow, from like 15 to 17. Even though all the serious problems that I had. But... I became worse as I aged. I want my eternal youth.
And even, I know that really I am, Eternal Soul. But it still hurts, when I age and I look in the mirror and something painful looks back at me, and I get smaller inside as I worry it's another withering cut to my innermost flame, actual eternal youth, the spirit... I worry that it ages my soul, supposedly eternal, it drives fear into me that I am betraying everything I was about and letting go to become just another fleshsack. I'm fleshsick. And my psychological foundations are fragile due to childhood trauma. You expect a dysfunctional bitch like me to work out life? Anyways here new terms. Souldeath, fleshsick, etc, should count as part of a shrink's vocabulary.
“Everywhere we go through, all the gangsters around know my whole crew. Nigger, what?” Robespierre
Avoid orgasms, intercourse, gluttony, human meats everything good in life I know! because it's a flesh-bind. Especially human flesh, even if cooked, it's grave and you're liable to go wendigo. Fleshbind because indeed binding into flesh, grounding and it disconnects you (rarely ever permanently.)
So you recall, be selective. And preserve respect for the dark, so long as it is good, and recall what Witch house wanted to teach us, all these years ago.
The bad dark is seeking to ruin that which is higher. Pure. We learn of the things they're into, and it's almost as if they're terrified of this higher light that pervades us souls, like they really want to destroy it because it aggravates them or something. Look around in modern western society, just every day as you walk about, and check which of the 7 sins you can spot. Especially in commercials, it's full of the stuff. And everytime, remember that the sins ground the individual in materiality; keeps it trapped; looking away from the Flame. How can I even make this clearer? All the ads about burgers and shit, stuff yourself full. After a spot of ceremonial magic, one good method to 'come back down' to the ground is to eat a sandwich or something. Because it puts you back down in soil, in matter, even just subconsciously. It grounds you. Same with exercise, same with sex. Makes you focus on the flesh, and shuts off the spirit (most of the time)
I'm not saying all the ads are evil, I'm saying most of them are, and that their causes and consequences are fucking terrible. And that we need more Soul. Sul and Sol. Conservative sees family as society's nucleus, liberal sees the individual, now who sees soul? This is visionary thinking! But still, fuck all that, fuck politics. I pray for the end of my existential pain. We all just crave our Witch House in the woods. Seek your nature. Personally, I need to go back to Germany.
Hey... it seems tonight wants to remind me: my inner flame will die out only when I fully cease to be, because that flame is I.
Never lost it.