All my homies neoplatonist
The Light, which some call god, and who rat boy confuses for god also, is indeed the spiritual conceptual manifestation of the highest and most absolute good. However, it is not exactly God, but and not merely an aspect of the All's character. It is that following it leads to deep healing and resolving of inner issues amassed due to the inherent burden of living a physical, biological human life. All the traumas and troubles are resolved by this light, which is a clear, fresh radiance, indeed light, as in weightless, and also as in luminous; it is young, purified, windy, and deeply and completely spiritually healing. It is totally cleansing; an Absolution; loving, unconditionally accepting. It embraces and cures. And commiting oneself to it and undergoing that process is, ironically, conducive to approaching, to coming closer to Divinity. You become purer, greater, nobler, more masterlike and an innocent soul.
I find that there are many gods, lowercase, and that there is none truer than the one Pan, the All, which is not above all, but which is All, and inside whose mind everything that exists is ever playing out. The All has no culture, no singularity; it can dream up a full universe, with all its planets and solar systems and rings and moons and satellites, all the elements and objects and items and intricacies, all the mountains and valleys and rivers, all the carbons and heliums and vitamins, and it will simply jump out from the blur of unfocused existence and into reality.
If you want to die you've come to the right place. Someone who is in the world, immersed, who likes to live, and just enjoys doing... i don't know what with their bodies, it's not that they be given the time they need to inevitably arrive at the understanding of the bleakness and hopelessness of this world... but it's just that they're having fun, so let's let them have it. This is another kult notion: Fun is allowed.
God is fun. I thought following this path would lead to nothing much more than eventual reintegration and self-annihilation as i merge back into the divine. I don't need to do that. I got all the time in the world! There are cool universes to go explore out there! Myriads of lives to live! Lots of stuff to experience, i'm gonna be in a shōnen fantasy-magic-isekai analog one day. Even as the hero perhaps! Let it be a good one! And oh, but our pains and weights pale in comparison of all that awaits. All the good, that is. God is like a light who shines through dimensions.
In the meantime, we are lost. Distracted. Drowned. Disowned. To that.
I have lost my passionate flame, guys, and there's no channeling going on anymore. I sank. I'm not dreaming anymore. I've been trying to push stuff out but with the brain that i'm working with, which is fucked by trauma and long-term untreated depression, it's hard to do anything now. I wish things were different. I wish Iyahel listened. I don't give a fuck. About anything. The only hints that perhaps i still do is the underlying pervasive stress and low-key droning anxiety flooding the pits of my life. The leftovers of my guilty conscience torturing me every day which i try to ignore, by playing and drinking and distracting myself, and which i try to kill by hurting my subconscious with porn and drugs. I just wanted to...
The red thread is run out. My life is in free-fall. There's nothing i give a fuck about, not enough to do something about it. It's been years since i gave up. It hurts only a little less, i'm wasting my life doing nothing, nihilistically. I'm so dissatisfied that i'm not doing more dream worlds lately... It was supposed to be the reason for everything on here. Now, what has it become, a fucking blog post?